So yesterday I went to buy an appliance from a woman selling in in a Facebook Buy/Sell group. I’d been having a very good day so far. I’d been to the Albert Cuyp Markt and found some gorgeous fabrics to work with. I had a brunch date by myself and I was having another great hair day.


I get to the woman’s house and ring the bell and she tells me to come on up. Now, I’ve you’ve ever been to a few Amsterdam flats then you know that most times the entrance is a bit narrow and it can already be difficult for a person, let alone two people, to get through without bumping into something. So the woman says to me, “Sorry for making you walk all the way upstairs, I’m 7 months pregnant and I get tired really easily.” I nod and she goes on to say, “Come on in the living room because there’s not so much room here, I’m big but you are really big…if you don’t mind me saying.”deanwhat

The first thing that came to my head is, “Bitch! How dare you!” I decided not to vocalize my distaste so I shrug and ask where the appliance is. She goes on and shows it to me and puts it in the box, all while complaining to me how difficult pregnancy. I’m beginning to get super annoyed. I give her the side-eye and say, “Yes I know, I have four kids and two of them are twins.” I roll my eyes behind her back because she probably wouldn’t want to tell me the appliance if I was rolling my eyes and telling her what a fucking bitch she was. I was getting more and more agitated by the second. So I give her the money and rushed away making some excuse about making dinner for my four kids.


Walking down the street with the box was a bit difficult. It was huge and heavy and one of the bag straps popped halfway to the bus stop. I get on the full bus all sweaty and out of breath with my huge box and try my best to go to the back with it hitting people’s limbs on the way. People were staring. I know they were thinking something like, “Damn that’s a big box.” But yesterday at that moment I was full of anxiety, sadness and embarrassment. At the moment I believed the people on the bus were thinking something along the lines of, “Ugh look at this big, sweaty bitch with this huge fucking box on a crowded bus! She needs to lose some weight and lose the box!” I had to give myself an internal pep talk to make myself believe that I don’t care about what other people thought of me, they were just people like me.

Finally the bus came to my stop and I got off and walked towards the grocery store angry. Angry that I forgot to get ingredients for dinner, angry that I didn’t tell that I didn’t tell that woman off and angry that I was still obsessing over this bullshit. Anyway, I haul the big box into the shopping cart, grab the ingredients and get in line. There were two kids buying groceries in front of me and they were only getting a few things so I was relieved. The sooner I could get home and relax the better. The little girl’s card didn’t work in front of me and she couldn’t pay for her food. I told the cashier I’d take care of it and paid for the girls bill. I instantly felt better.

It was then that I realized that it really doesn’t matter what size a person is or what they look like. All that matters is if you’re a good person or not. I consider myself a good person because I enjoy doing nice things for people and helping out whenever I can. Most of all I’m not some idiot going around insulting people for no reason.